


Heart to Heart

by tiredgayy



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alcohol, Angst with a Happy Ending, BokuakakurotsukiWeek2020, Breaking Up & Making Up, College AU, Drug Use, Hurt/Comfort, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-05
Updated: 2020-11-05
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:01:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,383
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27400891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tiredgayy/pseuds/tiredgayy
Summary: TW for Panic AttacksDay 5: College AUTsukishima broke up with his boyfriends and suddenly, things begin to lose its meaning
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou/Kuroo Tetsurou/Tsukishima Kei, Akaashi Keiji/Kuroo Tetsurou, Akaashi Keiji/Tsukishima Kei, Bokuto Koutarou/Kuroo Tetsurou, Bokuto Koutarou/Tsukishima Kei, Kuroo Tetsurou/Tsukishima Kei, Shimizu Kiyoko/Tanaka Ryuunosuke
Comments: 5
Kudos: 347
Collections: BokuAkaKuroTsuki Week 2020





	Heart to Heart

The Sendai Frogs had been promoted to a Division 1 team. Somehow, despite being rookies to the higher league, they won their first match. Naturally, they were going to celebrate. 

Despite everything, it didn’t feel like a victory to Tsukishima. The three people that got him to love volleyball were far out of his reach. 

Tsukishima tried to excuse himself from the celebration, making up excuses about assignments, but was dragged out by Kyoutani and Kogenegawa anyways. After hearing about the news, Hinata, Yamaguchi, Yachi, and Kageyama tagged along. Needless to say, they all ended up at a bar that night. 

Tsukishima watched Hinata and Yamaguchi down shot after shot as Yachi and Kageyama sat on the side sipping at their cocktails. His teammates were already drunk and dancing on the dancefloor. While everyone was laughing their asses off, Tsukishima slipped away from the crowd. He made his way outside and leaned against the brick wall. He brought a cigarette to his lips and with a flick of his lighter, it came to life. 

He inhaled, feeling the smoke in his throat and lungs. Even after so long, he still felt a heavy burden on his shoulders. Despite every successful block, he was still reminded of the failed ones. The win felt like nothing to him. It was especially unhelpful for his mind to wander to what he had done to _them._ He let out a shaky breath and brought his gaze towards the sky. 

Was Akaashi ever going to hug him after his games again? Was Bokuto ever going to pull Tsukishima into his arms and swing him around like he used to? Was Kuroo going to slap him on the back and smile before pulling him into a deep kiss? Was Tsukishima ever going to have that again?

He heard a cough beside him. “You shouldn’t be smoking that.”

Tsukishima looked towards the voice. “And drinking is any better, King?”

Kageyama sneered. “I don’t drink every day, asshole. I’m not going to be the one dying of burnt-out lungs.” 

Out of spite and sheer spite alone, Tsukishima took the longest drag he could. Kageyama shook his head but leaned on the wall anyways. The two of them stood there in silence. To say they enjoyed each other’s company would be a lie, but they most certainly did not dislike it. 

“Why aren’t Akaashi-san, Bokuto-san, and Kuroo-san celebrating with you? Aren’t they your boyfriends or something?”

Tsukishima laughed bitterly. “Not anymore. I broke up with them.”

“Why would you do that?”

“I dunno.” Tsukishima took another drag.

\---  
_Kuroo held Tsukishima by the waist as they settled on the couch. “Two more years, Tsukki. Then you can stay with us.”_

_“No. I- I can’t.”_

_Bokuto tilted his head and stared at him with his big eyes. “Huh? Whaddya mean, ‘you can’t?”_

_Tsukishima took Kuroo’s arms off of his waist. “You shouldn’t have to wait two years just for someone like me. That’s ridiculous.”_

_Akaashi spoke up. “It’s not ridiculous. We’d go to the ends of the world for you.”_

_Tsukishima tsked. “You must be delusional if you think we’ll even last two years.”_

_The three of them responded with scrunched eyebrows and confused looks. “Wait. What do you mean by that? Of course, we’re going to. You love us, don’t you? We can make this work.” Akaashi pleaded._

_Tsukishima did not respond. Of course, he loved them, but he couldn’t bring himself to say so. Bokuto took his face in his hands and whispered carefully, “You love us, don’t you?”_

_When Tsukishima gave no response, the three of them got up and left the room. Tsukishima sat on the couch and thought about what he had just done, before grabbing his stuff and making his way back to Sendai. If he cried on the train, no one mentioned it._  
\---

Tsukishima mumbled, “I fucked up so bad. What was I even thinking?”

Kageyama looked at the miserable person next to him. He took Tsukishima by the wrist and dragged him back into the bar. He forced a shot of tequila into his hands and told the blond to drink. Tsukishima attempted to decline the drink, but one glare from the King convinced him otherwise. 

One shot turned into two. And then three. And next thing you know, he was drunk. 

There was a pit of fire burning in his stomach, but he savored the feeling of it. It was relieving. Tsukishima felt himself succumb to the happy thoughts (happy, fake thoughts.)

“Look at him! Akaashi-san is so pretty. I love his eyes,” Tsukishima giggled as he showed the group a photo of his boyfriend. “And Bokuto-san is so big. He gives out the best hugs in the world. His arms are so nice. And Kuroo-san is so pretty too. Him and his fluffy hair” Tsukishima trailed off into a jumbled mess of words. 

Kageyama and Yachi, who were both somewhat sober, tried to smile at Tsukishima’s antics. He seemed to have forgotten that they broke up and they were not going to ruin his blissful happiness. They watched him stare off into space with a wistful gaze. Soon enough, his smile turned sour. 

“Yachi?”

“Yes, Tsukki?”

“They’re so perfect.”

Yachi grimaced. “Tsukki-”

“Why did they ever like me?” Tsukishima looked close to crying, despite his neutral face. “I want to go home.”

Speechless, Yachi reached out to grab his hand. “Let’s get you home, yeah? You’re probably just drunk.”

Tsukishima nodded and Yachi signaled for Kageyama to make a phone call. Within minutes, he received a call back. Yachi ushered Tsukishima out the door and into the car. 

“Hello, Ryuunosuke-san,” he slurred. Tanaka responded with his own bout of laughter. Yachi and Kageyama thanked him as he nodded and drove off. Tsukishima nodded off into his own little world as Tanaka silently drove. Minutes later, Tanaka shook Tsukishima awake. 

“Let’s go, Kei. We’re here.”

Slightly sober, Tsukishima stumbled out of the car. Tanaka slung his arm around his shoulder and dragged Tsukishima into the house. Tanaka prepared a glass of water as Tsukishima sat on the couch doing nothing. He handed him the glass and Tsukishima downed it. 

“Ryuu-san, are you ever scared about Kiyoko-san leaving you?”

Tanaka stared at Tsukishima, wide-eyed. “Um, yeah. Sure.”

“What if she did leave? How would you deal with it?”

Tanaka laughed pitifully. “Get high, probably.”

“Then let’s get high.”

Tanaka looked at his junior and burst into laughter. “Damn, Kei. Didn’t know you had it in ya. Follow me.”

The two of them walked into Tanaka’s room and soon enough, the place was filled with hazy smoke and the smell of marijuana. Tsukishima and Tanaka were lying on the ground giggling about a somber topic.

“Akaashi-san, Kuroo-san, and Bokuto-san are going to find someone better.”

“Hahaha, same bro. Kiyoko is gonna be so much happier with some other guy.”

“Where is she anyway?”

“Visiting her parents. She’s probably thinking about how much she hates me.”

“Why aren’t you with her?”

“Her parents don’t like me. Why aren’t you with your boyfriends?”

“They aren’t my boyfriends. They’re too far away.” Tsukishima found himself on the edge of tears again. “They said ‘two more years. Two more years and we can all settle down together.’ I said that they’re ridiculous and broke up with them. Why would anyone wait two years for me?”

“Y’know, I was going to go with her to see her parents. I was going to take her father outside and ask him if I could marry her. But I was a fucking coward.” 

In a single moment of sobriety, Tanaka mustered all the wisdom he had in that moment. “Go after them, kid. Chase after them.”

Tsukishima looked at Tanaka oddly. Tanaka gave him a meaningful smile and Tsukishima nodded in response. The two of them stared at the ceiling before drifting off into the world of unconsciousness. 

\---

Tsukishima woke up to a stream of light pouring through the window. He groaned and put his arm over his eyes. After ten minutes of trying to go back to sleep, he gave up and walked over towards the kitchen. Tanaka was already there cooking scrambled eggs. The two of them greeted each other before digging in.

“Ryuu-san?”

“What’s up?”

“You should go propose to Kiyoko-san. I’ll go visit them in Tokyo if you man up and drive your ass to her parent’s house.”

Tanaka shook his head. “Didn’t think you’d remember that, kid-”

“Don’t call me that.”

“But you got a deal.”

Tsukishima raised his eyebrows in surprise and shrugged. The two of them quickly finished their breakfast. After both of them cleaned up and changed, they stood in front of the front door, uneasy. 

“Are you sure about this, Kei?”

“No, but might’ve as well get it over with.”

The two of them walked into the car. Tanaka waved him off as he dropped Tsukishima off at the station. They bid each other good luck before parting ways. Tsukishima bought a ticket and found himself on a train to Tokyo. 

He made his way through the streets and crosswalks. The muscle memory guided him back towards the apartment of his lovers. He found himself standing in front of their apartment door, hand reaching towards the wood, but too scared to knock. 

Tsukishima stood outside for a long time, internally fighting himself. 

_I promised Ryuu-san that I’d do this._

_But I’m scared._

_I can’t do this._

_I can’t_

_I can’t I can’t I can’t_

He slumped against the wall opposite the door. He put his head on his knees and curled into himself. Tears welled in his eyes as he shook violently. Tsukishima gasped for air, only to intake nothing. 

It felt as though the ground was trying to swallow him whole. Despite trying to claw himself out, Tsukishima felt himself fall further and faster. The ceiling seemed to be collapsing on him, leaving him no room to escape. He pounded against his chest, coughing and trying to breathe. Tears fell onto the carpet as he continued to cough. His chest only constricted more.

A pair of hands appeared in front of him. He desperately reached towards them, scrambling until his hands curled around arms. He fell into the chest of the person in front of him, feeling the hands appear on his back. A whisper fell upon his ears.

“Everything is going to be alright. I promise. You’re safe. No one can hurt you here.”

His breathing began to even out and he slumped even further into the person holding him. He recognized the black curls and sharp eyes. 

“I’m so sorry, Akaashi-san. I’ll leave now. Sorry.” He quickly tried to stand, only for the hands to pull him back down. Akaashi cradled Tsukishima like he was made of glass. 

“I’m so sorry, Kei. I’m so sorry for driving you away.”

Tsukishima wrapped his arms around Akaashi’s waist and cried into his shirt. “Why are you apologizing? It’s my fault. I was being an idiot. I’m so sorry.”

He felt Akaashi shake his head and pull him closer. The two of them sat in the hallway for a long time, doing nothing but holding each other. 

“‘Kaashi?”

Tsukishima lifted his head to see Bokuto standing in the doorway. He slowly made his way towards the crying pair and kneeled before them. 

“Tsukki? Kei?”

Tsukishima nodded frantically and Bokuto immediately pulled him into his arms and wailed. Akaashi rubbed his back, softly hushing him. Tsukishima let out a few cries of his own. Within seconds, Kuroo made his way towards the havok. 

Tsukishima faltered as red eyes glared at him. “Tsukishima, what the fuck? Why would you leave and come back like nothing happened? You don’t get to do that!”

Tsukishima whispered multiple apologies, but they fell on deaf ears. 

“Kuroo-san…” Akaashi tried to calm him down, but Kuroo was having none of it. He continued to berate Tsukishima for what he had done. It took a while to realize that he was crying as well. Akaashi silently urged them back into the apartment. The three elders huddled around the living room as Tsukishima awkwardly stood by the entrance. 

“Tsukki?” Bokuto called. “Do you love us?”

Tsukishima opened his mouth, but nothing came out. Desperate, he resorted to nodding frantically. 

“Then why?”

“I was scared. I was scared of losing all of you.”

Kuroo scoffed. “Ironic.” 

Tsukishima shrinked back in shame. Akaashi mumbled, “Kuroo...”

Bokuto looked at Tsukishima pleadingly. “Why did you leave? Why?”

The man in question wiped his eyes and stared at the floor as he replied, “I was tired and regretful and miserable. I hated coming here for a day or two, only to go back to Sendai. I was- I hated sitting in the train on the ride back wondering when was going to be the next time I would see you all again. I hated the internal conflict I had- the fight between dropping everything to come here or to just leave everything as is. I hated all of it. I was so tired of it.”

“Then why did you come back?”

“Because I realized that I hated losing you all more.”

Kuroo was quick to gather Tsukishima into his arms. The two of them slumped against the door as Bokuto and Akaashi made their way over. The four of them crashed into the ground in a heap of crying, apologetic messes. 

Kuroo eventually got up and said, “I think I can take a week off. I haven’t used up any of my sick days.”

Bokuto nodded energetically. “I don’t have any practice games or matches until next month.”

Akaashi inputted, “I think I can convince my manager to let me work from home for a week or so.”

They all smiled at Tsukishima, who had only tried to scrub his eyes harder. He gave each of them a kiss and they all fell back into their old, happy ways.

\---

Tsukishima was sitting with his boyfriends at a nice restaurant in Sendai. Tanaka and Kiyoko sat across from them, each with a ring on their left hand. 

“So,” began Tanaka, “did I ever tell you about the time Kei and I got high, had a breakdown, and then convinced each other to chase after the people we loved?”

“What the fuck?”

**Author's Note:**

> yell at me on twt: tiredgayy


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